Every song has a story, often reflecting a hidden tale of love, longing, or loss. Gamzedeyim Deva Bulmam (“I Am Wounded, I Find No Cure”) is one such composition, born from the sorrows of Kemani* Tatyos Efendi, one of the most remarkable figures of late Ottoman music.
*Kemani means violinist in Turkish
The Night of Inspiration
Tatyos Efendi (1858-1913), an Armenian violin virtuoso and composer, lived a life of poverty and melancholy despite leaving behind nearly fifty compositions-songs, instrumental works, and fasıl pieces that remain central to Turkish classical music. Reserved and introverted, he expressed his emotions primarily through his violin.
His closest companions were writer and journalist Ahmet Rasim Bey and kemençe player Vasili. One evening in Beyoğlu, after hours of drinking and music-making, Tatyos took up his violin once more, as if possessed. With a faint, sorrowful smile, he played for the first time the haunting uşşak song:
Gam-zedeyim deva bulmam
Garibim bir yuva kurmam.
Kaderimdir hep çektiren,
İnlerim hiç reha bulmam.
Elem beni terk etmiyor,
Hiç de fasıla vermiyor.
Nihayetsiz bu takibe,
Doğrusu takat yetmiyor.
Ehl-i dilin yoktur kadri,
Uğraşma gel Tatyos gayri.
Eserin çok kıymetin yok,
Git talihine küs gayri.
English translation:
I am afflicted with sorrow, I find no cure,
A poor soul, I cannot build a home.
It is my fate always to suffer,
I groan, yet never find relief.
Grief does not leave me,
Nor does it ever pause.
Against this endless pursuit,
Truly, no strength remains.
The people of the heart give me no worth,
Don’t struggle anymore, Tatyos.
You have many works, but little value.
Go now, turn away from your fortune.
When he finished, the meyhane was silent. Vasili was in tears, and even hardened drinkers struggled to hide their grief. Within weeks, the song spread across Istanbul; no singer or instrumentalist remained unfamiliar with it.
A Hidden Love Revealed
Shortly before his death, Vasili told Ahmet Rasim the secret behind the song: Tatyos had loved a childhood friend from Ortaköy. Her family emigrated to Erivan, and he was forced into another marriage. Decades later, on the night of that fateful gathering, he learned that she had returned to Istanbul-unmarried, waiting for him all those years.
At Tatyos’s modest funeral, attended by only a handful of mourners, Ahmet Rasim noticed an envelope placed on a church pew. It was left by this woman, meant to be buried with him. Inside were verses responding to Tatyos’s song, affirming her undying love:
Gam-zedesin devan benim,
Garip kuşsun yuvan benim.
Çektiğimiz yeter gayri,
Kaderimsin inan benim.
Takat yetişmez eleme,
Bülbül imrenir çileme.
Bizim şu kara sevdamız,
Kalsın öteki aleme.
Elbet kadrini bilirim.
İste canımı veririm.
Küsme talihine Tatyos,
Çok durmam, ben de gelirim.
English translation:
You, grief-struck – I am your cure,
A homeless bird – I am your shelter, sure.
Our suffering’s done; no more to bear,
You are my fate – I swear, I swear.
Strength fails against this aching pain,
Even the nightingale envies my sorrow. **
Let our love rest far from here,
Beyond this world, in some other sphere.
I know your worth – I’d give my breath.
Take me if you will, even unto death.
Don’t curse your fortune, Tatyos dear,
I won’t be long – I’m coming near.
** In Turkish and Persian literature, the nightingale (bülbül) is one of the most common symbols of love and longing. The nightingale is believed to be hopelessly in love with the rose (gül). Because the rose is beautiful yet unattainable, the nightingale constantly suffers from unfulfilled desire. Its song is interpreted as a lament, a cry of pain born out of love. So, when a poet says, “Even the nightingale envies my sorrow,” he means that his suffering in love is so deep and unbearable that it surpasses even the legendary grief of the nightingale. It places his pain above the archetypal symbol of longing in Eastern poetry.
There is one point that needs clarification. Many singers fail to place the correct emphasis when performing the word “Gamzedeyim”. They split it as “gam-ze”-as if the poet were referring to a dimple on the beloved’s cheek or a sidelong glance. But the meaning is entirely different. The poet calls himself “gam-zede”-that is, “struck by sorrow,” just as one might say deprem-zede (“earthquake-stricken”) or kaza-zede (“accident-stricken”).
In other words, dear listeners: the poet is wounded by grief itself.
The Lives Behind the Song
Kemani Tatyos Efendi (Tatyos Ekserciyan)
Born in 1858 in Ortaköy, Istanbul, into an Armenian family, Tatyos began his musical training on the kanun before mastering the violin. He studied with masters such as Kör Sebuh and Asdik Aga, eventually leading fasıl ensembles in venues like the Pirinççi Gazino.
Despite his genius-his works display a profound command of makam structures, as his life was marred by alcoholism, illness, and financial hardship. He died in 1913, remembered by few in person but immortalized through compositions like Gamzedeyim Deva Bulmam, Bir Nigâh Et Ne Olur Halime Ey Dilber, and several peşrevs and saz semais.
Ahmet Rasim (1865-1932)
Ahmet Rasim was a prominent Ottoman-Turkish writer, journalist, historian, and later a member of parliament. Born in Istanbul’s Fatih district, he lost his father early and was raised by his mother. After excelling at Darüşşafaka, he became a journalist, publishing articles, novels, and essays that captured the texture of Istanbul life in the late Ottoman and early Republican eras.
He was also a songwriter and close friend of Tatyos Efendi, penning lyrics that his friend later set to music. Their friendship bridged communities and traditions, reflecting the cosmopolitan spirit of Istanbul at the time. Rasim died in 1932 and was buried on Heybeliada.
What Is a Makam?
In Turkish classical music, a makam is a system of melodic modes, comparable to scales in Western music, but richer and more nuanced. A makam not only defines a set of pitches, but also prescribes characteristic melodic progressions, motifs, and emotional expressions.
For example, the Uşşak makam, in which Gamzedeyim Deva Bulmam is composed, conveys melancholy, longing, and introspection-perfectly matching the tragic love story of Tatyos.
Each makam embodies a distinct mood, often associated with times of day, emotional states, or even therapeutic purposes in Ottoman thought. Mastery of makam was essential for any composer in the Ottoman musical tradition, and Tatyos was celebrated for his ability to express deep emotion within its structures.
Legacy
Though Tatyos Efendi died in obscurity, his music continues to be performed more than a century later. Gamzedeyim Deva Bulmam remains a jewel of Turkish classical repertoire-not only a work of art, but also a window into the broken heart of a forgotten genius and the enduring loyalty of a love lost but never extinguished.
Sources
- Kemani Tatyos Ekserciyan on Wikipedia
- Ahmet Rasim on Wikipedia
